How do you sleep tonight?


So here I am again, all prepped up and in bed.
Was feeling kinda sad, hopeless and alone.
You know how sometimes you feel like there is no one whom you can really talk to about things and you just pretend to carry on living your life everyday like you are doing well, you are doing fine.
Well I'd like to think that I am indeed living life okay but it is probably just a lie or a facade.
I don't really know why I am feeling this way but I guess I am still hurt on the inside or rather disappointed which is why I have lost hopes.
I lose hopes on people and I don't really seem to care anymore.
Whoever talks to me or doesn't reply my texts, I don't really care anymore.
If it was the old me, I would have been probably sad.
But the me now, it's more of "anything. Up to you".
I don't know which is sad.
The fact that I get upset because people ignore me or the fact that now I don't give a shit because people are people and they are going to disappoint us anyway so why bother.
Maybe when you give in too much to people, you just start feeling this way when you don't feel appreciated.
Sometimes I wonder why am I still being nice to people whom have treated me like shit
Then again maybe my tolerance level for putting up with their shit is way up there.
I wonder if there is anyone else who feels like me.
Who goes to bed, wondering and sighing and just taking a while before you sleep?
Have I mentioned that I have been falling asleep everywhere?
Even on the Mrt as I am standing?
I love sleeping. As a kid, I felt that sleeping was boring and irrelevant.
Now that I am older, Sleep is good.
Sleeping keeps your mind off unhappy things, a way you can just go on a hiatus.
I have considered going a hiatus on several occasions but they have failed as I relied too much.
Hah, blogging about my feelings now definitely reminded me of when I was a kid and I would always pen down my thoughts in a diary or in a journal.
It was fun actually.
Somehow or rather I feel that it is much easier pouring out my feelings on my blog as compared to sharing it with someone.
Maybe its because I don't want to surround people with negativity or maybe I just didn't want to hear their opinions.
I am always a listener to my friends but somehow no one is there for me when I need a listening ear because sometimes it will end up being mostly about them so I tend to keep my
Real feelings for myself.
I'm probably typing nonsense now but sometimes I really wish I could sleep forever.

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