Full of Shit sometimes

21:47:00

Sometimes I wonder why do I always land myself in situations that would make me regret in future. Maybe you can say that I am foolish or maybe I am just too crazy.
I have a habit of always offending people on purpose because I want to push them out of my life and then I regret whatever I do. Strangely, this time round...I don't feel any sense of remorse or regret.
Could it be that I am tired of people?
Could it be that I was already used to people leaving and walking out of my life that I no longer value whoever is in my life?


Everyone has their own set of problems but sometimes I rather choose to sleep whatever is bugging me off. I guess that is when I just started to explode and break down and rip everything apart. I feel that sometimes I can't tell people what is bugging me because everyone seems to be judging me for my choices in life and jumping into conclusions and thinking that they know me. Honestly, sometimes all I would appreciate is just a listening ear and not really someone who tells me stuffs like they know what is going on in my mind. I am honestly done convincing people of some things. Like whatever I do and post and I have to keep swearing to them that I am over blahblahblah and they take my statuses or whatever I post literally.


And whenever I tell other people of these things which were bugging me on top of whatever problems that I already have, those other people would start pushing the blame onto me and tell me stuffs like why do I even post such things if I don't want people to comment. Eventually, I feel like I am being attacked by everyone and it doesn't help that I am not the sort of person to just ignore things. So when someone tells me "just ignore lor. care so much for what" after they asked me what was going on, I just get really agitated. Maybe I need to come to conclusion that either I am crazy or people are the worst type of listeners. And then someone would say that I have such a high expectation when it comes to someone who would listen and I'll just burst because that isn't exactly helping me feel better.


Maybe I guess I feel frustrated and exasperated because when I needed someone to be there for me, no one really understood me and it just escalated into a debate. Therefore whenever someone else needed a listening ear, I would always be there checking up on them and tried to avoid things that would aggravate them further. So whenever I tell people of my problems, it's like I am screaming "Why can't you understand me?" and they just keep jumping into making judgements and coming up with their own conclusions.


An example would be

Me : No, I don't think I know your girlfriend. Why would I have a hot girl as my friend?
Friend : Why can't? You just want to be the hot one issit so that nobody else can be hotter than you?


This is an example of what would eventually get me annoyed because there he goes , jumping into conclusions and it just made me go "what?" and then he goes on probably talking like he knows me and I just get really irritated. Who even mentioned that I wanted to be the hot one in the group? Dude, like what century are you still living in man. Honestly when I said why would I have  hot girl ...it wasn't even in a sarcastic or shallow tone. I mean like seriously why or rather would I have an incredibly hot girl as my friend. What makes you think she would also want to be friends with me? LOL. ugh #icanteven


Honestly I am getting sick of people commenting me whatever I do or whatever I say. Whenever I post a provocative pic, and people would be like "Don't you have any shame to yourself?" or "Are you trying to get more guys?". I mean fuck, can't I just post whatever I feel like or take my photos however I feel like. I just took the photo because I liked it and I posted it because I liked it. There is no reason why but it is just who I am. So are you going to blame me for being myself whenever I do things that I like? Is it wrong to be myself?



To end it off,

Key values of this post
Honestly be a better listener by actually listening.
Don't act like you know someone

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