That part of love you've showed me


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It was getting late... I looked at my watch. 3 in the morning and there I was all drunk with smudged mascaras over my eyelids at the void deck of your house. My mind was in a complete mess. A part of me tells me that it was a very bad idea and that I am going to regret this night...but another part of me told me that I had every fucking right to fight for you while I still can. Anyway, me being a strong-headed person and difficult was not something that is new to you anymore.

My phone was almost dying. 6%. Probably enough for 1 phone call. I scrolled down the list of phone numbers on my list. I pressed onto "Call". My heart was beating really fast. I waited for a while before deciding to end the call but you picked up my call. "hey, what's up?" .You sounded really sexy when you answered my call. I've missed you. You were surprised that I was at your void deck and you told me that you'd get down in a while. I waited there at the void deck for you. My head was starting to get heavy. I felt like sleeping. Then I saw a figure walking towards me. I tried to open my eyes a little and there I saw you. Your hair was messed up , you still had that concerned look in your eyes as you fastened your pace and walked towards me. I could feel my tears welling up in my eyes as I unsteadily got up to walk towards you into your embrace. I started crying as soon as I felt your arms around my waist. I knew that deep down inside that whatever it is, you'd no longer want to have this thing with me anymore. You asked me what happened, and why I was in such a state. For someone who has tried holding back all emotions after the night when you told me that we can no longer be together anymore, I just broke down mentally. I couldn't imagine my life without you anymore. And I I've forgotten how it feels like to be alone again. I've let you down over and over again. Somehow or rather I'd wished you just give me one last chance because I swear I'd do my best to make you stay again. I knew from the moment when you told me that you'd come down and find me right away that deep inside you still love me. Otherwise, why would you care ?

We sat under the void deck for a while. I told you of my feelings and how I desperately wanted to work things out with you. You didn't say anything. Not even a single word. You just looked at me. To have someone who used to fight for you and now just giving up for you is a very painful feeling. I know I shouldn't have taken you for granted. All of these happened because of me. In the end, I've realised that I can't keep you anymore. I tried winning you over that night but I asked myself why would I want to still keep you when I have already done you wrong and hurt your feelings? You don't deserve someone like me. You deserve so much better. Keeping you would be a very selfish move for me. I've had your love but I couldn't appreciate it.

  Sometimes loving someone does not necessarily mean that you have to keep them. Sometimes love can mean to let the other party go. 

You've probably realized that I came to an abrupt stop midway through the conversation. You asked me what was wrong and I just looked at you and smiled. It pains me to look at you again but I know that that was going to be the last time that I'll ever see you again. I thanked you for loving me when I wasn't able to love myself, and I thanked you for everything that you have done for me. You've brought me nothing but happiness , fun and laughter in my life and whenever we're faced with certain obstacles that ended up with us quarreling, those were experiences that I'd get to keep whenever we got over them.

If there was anything, you've taught me how to love someone selflessly. 

Before we parted, I gave you a nice tight hug as you pressed your lips against my forehead. I wished you all the best in life and slowly walked away.

You showed me another side of love....

The side of love that does not necessarily mean that two people have to stay together to be in love. The side of love that  does not necessarily mean that love only has to end on a happier note.
The side of love that love is a test of how much you're willing to do for someone even if it hurts you inside.
The side of love that would eventually change me as a person, a lover , a daughter  and a friend.
The side of love that taught me how to love someone.

I'll miss you, definitely.
Thank you for everything.

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